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To Each Their Own Hellhole

Updated: Dec 8, 2020


We had hopeful news today about the first corona vaccine.


In a recent article about the contenders, our newspaper decided to review them as if they were entrants in a beauty pageant (or the Eurovision Song Festival), giving each of them a distinctive nickname. Adopting this taxonomy with gratefulness for the sorely needed levity, I can announce that the vaccine leading the scores as of now with a 90% success rate is...THE SNOW RABBIT. Thrives in temperatures below 70 °C.


The stock market soared in response. Mostly.


Unfortunately wilting: the stock of food home delivery companies.


Isn't it amazing how we are all one throbbing cloud of interconnected points of consumer data? It's giving me the warm fuzzies.


The same is true for the result of the US presidential election—as insensitive as it may be to confront DT, King of Snowflakes, with the word "result." As his presidency is drawing to a close (again, I'm so sorry. I understand that efforts are being made to help the president come to terms with the fact of his l*ss), it's time to reminisce and shudder.


As a Europhile Caucasian Germandutch person, I realize I got through the past four years relatively easily, as none of Trumps policies affected me directly. Still, I'm relieved he failed in his attempts to purchase Greenland, impressed with Denmark's use of the Consternator™ (an underappreciated defensive weapon), and amused by the fact that Trump apparently referred to the capital of the EU as "Hellhole Brussels." Come on, that's funny.


What's next?

Bankrupt Berlin? (I'm out of touch, but I think their airport is now working, or did I misunderstand something?)

Mosh Pit Munich?

Apex of Autoerotic Asphyxiation Amsterdam?


Tragically robbed of the opportunity to ever find out, we spiral down the snow-rabbit-hole into a better future.


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